Premature Ejaculation

Posted on April 13, 2012

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While at first blush this might appear to be a poster promoting the awe inspiring and terrible might of the People’s Republic of North Korea’s nascent missile program, actually it is simply a billboard advertising some of the wares available at the newest ‘GayMart’ store in Pyongyang.

Be that as it may and I’m not certain that it is, the rumour is out on the street that Kim Jong-Un is having issues with endurance and stamina.  After the colossal failure of the launch of what the North Korean government calls ‘Unha-3’ missile for the ostensible purpose of placing a weather satellite into orbit (that Western governments condemned as a ‘provocative act’), questions are being asked both inside and outside the ‘Hermit Kingdom’.  Questions about Un’s staying power.

South Korea’s defence ministry said the rocket lifted off at 07:39 am (2239 GMT Thursday) and flew for just over two minutes before it “splintered into two parts, probably due to a blast”, and then broke into smaller pieces.

The debris fell into the Yellow Sea off South Korea and its navy launched a salvage operation to retrieve the debris, despite warnings from Pyongyang last week not to attempt such an operation.  The newly elected conservative South Korean government was overheard to respond “you and whose Army?” and “Your Mother wears Jong Il’s old clothes”.

The PRNK military cannot be anymore embarrassed than ‘Long Jong-Un Silver’ about the nearly immediate explosion of the TaipoDong 2 ICBM.   Members of the Chinese Communist Party who paid big bucks, or ‘serious Yuan’ to watch the highly anticipated CCTV broadcast of the  ‘moneyshot’ of little brother Un, or affectionately known as ‘Lil Kim’, were furiously disappointed and reportedly demanded refunds from the State Cable TV provider, Comm(unist)Cast.

Officials from Comm(unist)Cast have pledged to make an official statement on whether they will renumerate the Renminbi or provide vouchers for KJU’s next attempt.

Ironically enough, at the very same time when the tyrants in Pyongyang were whooping it up celebrating the birth of the ‘Dear Leader’, the recently departed Kim Jong Ill (yes, that’s how I spell it, with the extra ‘l’), and pridefully boasting of how they were going to stick it in the eye of the G-20 summit members, another launch was being planned not far away.  PRWeb reports:

Less than 48 hours before the rocket’s failure, however, a Christian ministry which usually launches religious materials, practical necessities, and news of the outside world successfully launched something much different into the hermit kingdom:

Peeps.

Over the course of several months, Seoul USA collected and prepared thousands of the popular marshmallow treats in order to infiltrate North Korea via the organization’s giant weather balloon-style balloons. The balloons were launched from secret locations on the South Korean side of the Demilitarized Zone.

Rev. Eric Foley, Seoul USA CEO says inspiration for the delivery came from the story of how one Christmas Eve during World War I, soldiers from England and Germany came out of their trenches to sing carols and to play soccer by moonlight. For one night, Foley says, war was put on hold in favor of humanity.

“Amidst all of the controversy going on there, we wanted to share simple joy with the people of North Korea,” Foley says. “The rest of the year we’ll continue to send socks, medicines, flyers, and Bibles as balloon payloads. But this time, Peeps fell on North Korea like snow.”

Foley notes that balloon launching into North Korea is legal in South Korea. His organization typically conducts 50-60 balloon launches annually and last year sent 1.4 million flyers and 45,000 Bibles into the closed communist state. His group’s work has been profiled in various media reports, and they have advised the US State Department and members of Congress on North Korean religious issues.

“North Korean work is dark,” Foley says. “It’s nuclear weapons and sex trafficking and concentration camps. For once, we just wanted to spread happiness. After all, who can be against Peeps?”

“Up, Up and Away, in my beautiful, my beautiful baloooooooon”.

Boy, talk about piling on the humiliation.   ‘Lil Kim’ calls his shots ala the ‘Sultan of Swat’ – (Babe Ruth – the legendary home run King, who used to point to the spot in the stands where he would rope it out of the yard).  The only teeny weeny problem for the ‘Little Un’ is that his little Unha-3 couldn’t even make a base hit, while the balloons from South Korea rained Peeps all over his kingdom.

Peeps go yard.

Scoreboard Peeps.

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