Two of a Kind – China and North Korea

Posted on April 19, 2012


Why is it that when I look at this photo, I feel like it’s possible somebody was goofing around in PhotoShop – you know, those little cloning tricks where they take a handful of images and make it look like that person has thousands of comrades?  It’s probably just me and my racially insensitive point of view that causes me to think that they ‘all look alike’.  No, that’s not true – they’re all trying to look alike – that’s what it is.  Attractive young ladies in uniforms.  Kind of stirs my militaristic blood.

Or there’s this photo:

Now, this one really was diddled around with in Photoshop.  See on the top picture, where there’s like about 6 guys straggling out behind the otherwise orderly groupings of proles in attendance at whatever Winter parade this was (might have been the Great Leader’s funeral procession)?   Then, see how the image editor just got rid of them with a sweep of a wireless mouse?  Pretty neat trick, eh?  I’ll tell you what – the North Koreans don’t need Photoshop to do that kind of thing.  They are better illusionists than that.   They can make people really disappear – for good!

I can’t really tell you why the subject of the Hermit Kingdom and its chubby little punk ass ‘leader’ captures my imagination.  It could have something to do with that now I’m aware that they like to refer to themselves as Democrats also.  I believe that Barry, Harry and Nancy have been invited to take the ‘Grand Tour’.

I don’t know why they don’t.   I think they would find it inspiring, how much can be accomplished with perseverance and intimidation tactics.  After all, you can never stop learning, right?  I think they’re off to a good start.  “I’ll tell ‘ya what’s in the bill after you vote for it.  Until then, shut up!”

Damage control is underway in the Hermit Kingdom. Kim Jong – ‘Bong Pipe’ Un, is doing a bad version of the old PeeWeeHerman shtick. In the immediate aftermath of the failed Typo-Dong launch and the subsequent explosion, he was quoted to have quipped, “heh,heh,heh, I meant to do that”

The Chinese, for their part are saying, “don’t blame that on our launcher – not that it IS our launcher, you understand?”

It should be clear at this point that the D.P.R.K. is China’s mischievous little brother.  I got my knuckles smacked good with the old wooden ruler, last time by mistakenly referring to the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea as PRNK.

Most little brothers that behave like the DPRK, get smacked down by big brother. “Hey, you little dork, you’re making me look stupid with my friends – knock it off!”

That’s not the case here. Little brother’s antics – putting chewing gum in the hall locker doors (supplying armaments to rogue terrorist sponsoring nations), throwing spit wads ( the Taipo launch), locking kids in the bathroom (kidnapping non-citizens), cowardly ambushes, (the torpedo attack on and sinking of a South Korean warship) – would normally be annoying to an older, image conscious sibling.

In the case of China, however, these little shenanigans are quite endearing. North Korea is the Apple of China’s eye. You go to China to complain and they shrug their shoulders and say, “Well, you know how it is – every family has a kid that is well, you know, a little immature. Just ignore him, he’ll grow out of this phase – we did”.

That’s on a good day. You approach them when things are not going well, like say, a bullet train just crashed, and you might hear – “What about Kim? You wanna make something of it?” “Well, no – I just…”

Well, how about you just butt out? I got other problems to deal with. I’ve got villagers out in Guangdong, in some fishing village that are making a stink about the provincial governor stealing their land. Quit whining about ‘Lil Kim’ or I’ll give you a fat lip!”

Yeah, China likes having a little ‘pyro’ in the family. “He’s a cute little hooligan, isn’t he?” It’s a distraction to all the other neighbors on the block and takes focus away from things like Big Brother cheating on tests (rigging the currency).

So now, next on the drawing board is another missile.

Lil’ Kim: “It’s a new day, a new war toy, we’re going to have fun. You ask me to describe the typical day of a dictator? It’s about waking up with a new toy to play with and playmates that never complain when you always win. Hell, we already got rid of the blues from that bummer rocket, by rubbing out a bunch of missile technicians and slugs from the Army that we really didn’t need anyway. Hey, somebody’s got to take the hit for that screw up, not gonna be me.  

Get excited, get excited. This one will be the bomb-diddley and then we’ll have a victory celebration even better than the failure celebration! Don’t want to see any glum faces around here. 2012 is going to be the year of economic and military success! Yeah, baby, yeah!”

I guess ‘it’s hard out here for a pimp’.  Things to do, places to see, parties to attend, people to starve…

Posted in: Tyrants