I, Liberal

Posted on July 16, 2012



Editor’s Note:

I would dearly love to lay claim to the authorship of the following poem – but alas, my sterling set of ethics prohibits me from doing  so.  Not only that, but as good as this poem is, there is every possibility that I would receive a request for an encore – which I would be unable to provide, seeing that rhymes, Lee Ann or otherwise, are not my area of specialty.  If and when I would write verse, it would typically be free verse, doggerel (I consider myself a Doggerel lover), and perhaps obscene Limericks and occasional quatrains – especially High Speed QuaTrains.   No, this piece of crystallized carbon is the masterwork of an unknown author.  I accidentally happened upon it while scanning the comments on some story I was reading online.

My hat is off to the author and if by some freak chance of serendipity-doo, he or she should recognize his or her work here – my simple request is … MORE, PLEASE!!!!!

I, Liberal

I’m sure that there could never be
A man as virtuous as me.
I’ve honed my precious self-esteem
In ways no common man could dream!
To feed my moral vanity,
I preen for all the world to see;
I thrust in everybody’s face
The noble causes I embrace.
And lest there be the slightest doubt
That I’m no bitter, clinging lout,
The bumper stickers on my Volt
Affirm that I’m no right-wing dolt.
As these credentials will attest,
I am the brightest and the best –
And true to my enlightened soul,
Utopia shall be my goal!
The planet should be mine to run;
I know what’s best for everyone.
My Nanny Squad will nag and scold,
Until the plebes do as they’re told.
My Social Justice Ministry
Will outlaw inequality –
With good intent unwavering,
I’ll redistribute everything!
I’ll be obscenely generous
With subsidy and stimulus;
To fund my drunken spending sprees,
The fat cats’ profits I will seize!
For those who fail, my heart will bleed,
But woe to those who dare succeed.
I vow to vanquish human greed –
To each according to his need!
There’ll be no want, there’ll be no war,
My Welfare Corps will feed the poor.
There’ll be no limit to my grace,
When I control the human race!
I’ll heal the Earth, I’ll low’r the Seas,
My Healthcare Force will smite disease –
And all will rightly worship me,
The Savior of Humanity!