Ban Dangerous Stuff

Posted on December 18, 2012


Here’s one major cause of mass slayings of children we can eliminate.

Just for the sake of indulging the logic of gun control advocates, I propose a solution to the dilemma of mass slayings committed by psychologically deranged individuals. According to you folks on the Left, guns are the cause of innocent people being murdered – humans are just incidental to the event.

To listen to your myopic focus on guns, one would sense that in the absence of the existence of firearms, homicides and mass slayings would be virtually impossible. They would be justified in that illusion, but for some remarkable data that has turned up in my research.

 Shocking as it might seem – and I apologize in advance for those who possess the cherished notion, I have discovered that people can and are killed by implements other than firearms. I realize how disconcerting such a revelation like that can be and that it can produce acute Cognitive Dissonance. Maybe, get up, step out to the kitchen and prepare yourself a soothing cup of Hot Cocoa.

Alright, my progressive friends, feel a little better? Are your nerves stable enough to withstand evidence that demolishes your sense of reality? If not, you can click off this page now and remain ignorant and irrational.

 Now, for those of you who can handle the truth – or think you can, here is what I discovered. Each of the following can be employed in the murder of a fellow human being:

  • Explosives – 1927 – Bath, Michigan School Massacre. 44 dead

  • Fire – Arson is the most common method of mass killings and the most prevalent. Countless victims

  • Commercial Airliners and Boxcutters – September 11, 2001. 3,000 dead

  • Gas – 125 killed in Moscow in 2002, by the Russian Government!

  • Weaponized nerve agents – 1995 Sarin attack on Tokyo Subway – 13 dead

  • Ammonium Nitrate (Garden Fertilizer) – 1995 Oklahoma City bombing. 186 dead

  • Improvised Explosive Devices

  • Swords

  • Machetes

  • Butcher Knives – 2010 in China; 6 Children and 2 Adults

  • Automobiles

  • Shoulder Fired Rockets

  • Grenades

  • Flamethrowers

  • Axes

  • Clubs

  • Baseball bats

  • Molotov cocktails

  • Bows and Crossbows

  • Chainsaws – Texas Chainsaw Massacre

  • Drones – capable of killing dozens of civilians instantly

  • Mines

  • Mason Jar Grenades

Any and all of the above have been used to kill multiple human beings. Some of the items on this list are legal to own and some are illegal. The common denominator here is that none of them are guns.

So, now that you’ve decided to ‘control’ or ban guns, you’ll also need to enact legislation to eliminate access to lawn fertilizer, kitchen knives, Baseball bats, Chainsaws, Compound bows, Automobiles, Swords, Machetes, Commercial Jets (actually aircraft of any type), Gasoline, Solvents and matches.

 But wait, let’s not stop here. We want to prevent tragedies of all kinds, don’t we?  There are many man made inventions and activities that can cause murderous impulses or result in unintended deaths. Let’s not forget to ban:

  • Anti-depressants

  • Alcohol (didn’t we try to get rid of that once before?) How did that work out?

  • Video Games and Violent movies

  • Death Metal and Punk music

  • Islam – instructs followers to kill other human beings

  • Dogs and other pets

  • Illegal Aliens – of which a substantial number are violent criminals

  • Hospitals and Medical Centers – through malpractice and negligence, over 100,000 deaths per year in the U.S. alone

  • Smart phones

  • Gay sex – in addition to AIDS, male Homosexuals contract and spread other potentially deadly illnesses, such as Hepatitis B.

  • Rock Concerts – 1979, Riverfront Stadium, Cincinnati, OH. 11 dead from stampede.

  • Swimming

  • Bicycle riding

  • Windows

  • Stairs

  • Gasoline pumps

  • Babysitters

  • Skating

  • Elevators

  • Trains

  • Soccer venues – 15 modern disasters, 1.252 dead

  • Racing events (Auto, Boat, Off-road, Motorcycles)

  • Air Shows

  • Automobiles – 32,367 deaths in 2011. Nearly half a million in the past decade

  • Bull Stampedes

  • Horse Riding

  • Boxing matches

  • NFL Football games

  • Skydiving, Bungee Jumping

  • Amusement Parks

  • Black Friday and After Holiday Shopping events

  • Bus, Subway and Rail Transportation

  • Suspension Bridges

  • Cruise Ships

  • Nuclear and Fossil fueled energy production.

  • Skateboards

  • Bathtubs (that’s O.K., we need to reduce out ‘Water footprint’ anyway.

Well, I think I’ve covered all the things we have to remove from society in order to be confident that we’ll be completely safe. Oh, dogg-gonnitt – I almost forgot one. Crazy people and Crime. Oops, another one – Abortion.

That’s going to be a tough one. Hmmm.