Two Opposable Digits Up

Posted on March 14, 2013


The North Koreans have done it again.  Am I referring to a new underground nuclear test?  A test launch of a new TaipoDong?  Another terroristic threat to destroy American cities?  No, this time they have entered the arena of film making in the most auspicious of manner.  They have produced a dazzling, brilliant piece of documentary the likes of which have not been seen heretofore in the global arena.

What is devastatingly genius is that they have succeeded in taking a subject matter that might require someone of the stature of Ken Burns to comprehensively document in a multi hour presentation destined for PBS glory, in less than a mere 5 minutes.  Incredible.  This montage of sound and images transcends everything that has come before.  Normally writers and producers of film documentary compromise the potential for art by striving to accurately depict reality, Michael Moore being the exception that proves the rule.

But here, the North Koreans have realized how truth can be a strait jacket and have tossed off all restraints that inhibit greatness.  I know some of you will now be objecting that what I’m describing is nothing groundbreaking, but rather a species of propaganda.  Well, art always has its critics.

The film speaks eloquently for itself, but there were some classic moments that will take their place in the legend and lore of movie history.  We all know and love the great, standout lines that burrow their way into our collective vernacular.

There’s Clint Eastwood’s signature quips, “Go ahead, make my day!”, ” Get off my lawn” and “Who owns this $#!t house?”.  There’s Clark Gable’s “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”.  Bogie’s “Here’s looking at you, kid”.  Stallone’s “Aaaaaaadriaaannnnn”.  Schwarzenegger’s “Hasta La Vista, baby”.  And of course, who could forget Barbra Streisand from Yentl –  “Don’t you know who I am?  My husband Jim and I, are acting legends – we’re entitled to free movie passes!”.

Well, this film, as you will see – is loaded with lines that will make your conversation sparkle at office meetings and swingin’ parties.  I’ve culled just a few of the greatest:

  • “These trees are all full of snow…you’ll see there are no birds.  They’ve all been eaten by the people who live in these tents and corridors.  This man awaits Heroin”.
  • “The American Red Cross supplies curtains and walls from materials donated to them by North Korea.”
  • “Again, there are no birds in the trees, apart from these, which will be eaten on Tuesday.  They are Yuuuumi.”
  • “These people lay huddled together with their dead friends in Blue body bags drinking coffee cups full of local snow.”  (Are their dead friends also drinking coffee cups full of local snow? – I’m just asking.)
  • “In other parts of the Americas, often disguised as foreign countries in Europe, people have the same terrible lives.”  (I think they might be referring to San Francisco).
  • “They are very grateful to their government for these handouts. Yuuuumi.”
  • “These telephones no longer work – there is no one to call.”  (someone hasn’t heard about ‘Obamaphones’ I guess).
  • “This is how they live in modern day America…huddled together; the poor, the cold, the lonely and the homosexuals.”  (I guess that ties in again with the cities ‘often disguised as foreign countries – the homosexual part, anyway).

Now, there has been, I must report, some speculation that this film was not produced by the North Koreans.  If that is the case then why were the supposed production team recently executed for not having this movie ready for the Sundance and Cannes film festivals?  Some wags are claiming that this was actually produced by the Obama White House to warn Americans what could happen if Sequestration was allowed to commence.  Anything’s possible, but the timing was bad in that case.

There is no question, however that this glimmering and incandescent bit of celluloid masterwork, has a decidedly prophetic aspect to it.  It could foreshadow America at the end of Obama’s term in office…or Hillary’s.