Bacon – does it get any better than that?

Posted on May 9, 2013


Bacon. If it’s good enough for Pearl Cantrell, it’s good enough for me.

It’s time for me to fulfill my promise or threat, depending on your point of view – to add some lighthearted content and give you a breather from the heavy political fare that is customary at Blasted Fools.  I’ve concluded that Bacon is, for the present moment at least, the number one official food of Blasted Fools.  Let me clarify.  I don’t mean that Blasted Fools eat Bacon, although I’m certain that some do.  I mean that just as the Olympic Games has an official soft drink and deodorant, athlete’s foot remedy and sports shoe – Blasted Fools, the blog site, has a featured food that we hold up as ideal.  That would be Bacon.

Why, you might ask, did Bacon win out over Steak, for instance?   It was close, very close, but Bacon has just a tad more versatility. Think about it – you can naturally have it for breakfast with eggs and toast and hash Browns, but then at lunch time – a BLT, and at dinner time it can top a hamburger or be crunched up on top of a salad, soup, casserole.   It’s so adaptable.  But there’s more. Bacon, also has succeeded in doing what many of us strive to do – knock scientific arrogance off its lofty pedestal.  Bacon, this week, dealt a wicked body blow to the Purple drink drinkers and devotees of so-called ‘Nutritional Science’.

How many times have you heard reported on the nightly local news – nonsense like “Researchers at the National Sphincter Clinic have released a study involving 29 people that concludes that Watermelon contributes to Democrats more than Republicans”?.

Sorry, I couldn’t resist that riff, but you know what I’m talking about – “Eggs are bad, no, scratch that, they’re good.”  “Cheese, Chocolate, Coffee, Butter, Milk, Lard, Wheat, Beef, Pork, Nuts – they’ll all kill you, until we come back 10 hours later and contradict ourselves with a new, goofy study.”  Ever get weary of it?  Me too.  So, when I heard the story about Bacon and that a woman who recently turned 105, attributes it to her longevity and claims to have eaten it every day of her life, I gotta tell you – I shouted ‘Hallelujah’, ‘Amen’ and ‘Yeesssssahhhhhh!’

Lest you think this is a prank, it is not.  April 1st has come and gone.  This is the real McCoy my friends. Science World Report, reports:

“A 105-year-old Texas woman has earned a place in almost all headlines by revealing the most unlikely secret to her long life.
Strangely, her key to longevity is bacon. Yes, you read it right; 105-year-old Pearl Cantrell loves to eat bacon and feasts on it almost every day. Her story, for sure, will be a subject of research for most health scientists.

Pearl Cantrell, who’s mostly referred to as the ‘105-year-old bacon woman’, said in an interview with a local NBC station, “I love bacon and I eat it everyday. I don’t feel as old as I am, that’s all I can say.”
Resident of Central Texas, Cantrell, a mother of seven, has outlived three of her kids, as well as her husband. Her recent 105th birthday bash was a three-day affair that included more than 200 guests.”

My goodness, would it have taken you three tries to guess that our Ms. Pearl Cantrell, is from Texas?  Come on, where else – ‘Pearl’, ‘Pearl Beer’.   I’ll bet she’s no stranger to a good, cold bottle of Pearl Beer either.

KRBC TV out of Abilene, tells us that a representative of Oscar Meyer – another favorite company around my household, joined Pearl in celebration of the big 105 and that she’ll never pay for another pound of Bacon as long as she lives – and at this point, who can say? You know there is one more huge reason why Pearl, Oscar Meyer and Bacon are ‘Anti-Blasted Fool’ heroes.  Can you guess?   Bingo! Bacon is very politically incorrect, not only among the ‘sucker up the tailpipe’ liberal / progressive ‘White Wine and Brie’ society – but also is an abomination to Muslim fanatics.

I know it’s a slap in the face to Orthodox Jews as well, but they’re at least not so hysterical about it.  In fact, I know some Jews that actually love Bacon and Pork and eat it on the down low, but I’m not going to out them here.   But the Islamists go ape crazy at the mere mention of the subject.  It’s very offensive.  Guess what?  This is the good old U.S.of A. and I’m going to pimp Bacon 24/7/365 and Pearl Cantrell is my ‘girl’, y’understand?

Deal with it, Bloomberg!