Hey, Hey, Paula

Posted on June 23, 2013


I was thinking about what pop tune would be an ideal soundtrack to this confused and unconvincing performance by the horse’s patoote otherwise known as Paula Deen.  Here’s what I came up with, but I’d like to hear your suggestions:

why me lord?
what have i ever done,
to deserve even one,
of the pleasure i’ve known,
tell me lord,
what did i ever do,
that was worth lovin’ you,
for the kindness you’ve shown,

lord help me Jesus,
i’ve wasted it so help me Jesus,
i know what i am,
but now that i know,
that i needed you so help me Jesus,
my souls in your hand,

verse 2:
try me lord,
if you think there’s a way,
i can try to repay,
all i’ve takin’ from you,
maybe lord,
i can show someone else,
what i’ve been through myself,
on my way back to you,  Repeat Chorus


Now you say you’re lonely
You cry the long night through
Well, you can cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you

Now you say you’re sorry
For being so untrue
Well, you can cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you

You drove me, nearly drove me, out of my head
While you never shed a tear
Remember, I remember, all that you said
You told me love was too plebeian
Told me you were through with me and

Now you say you love me
Well, just to prove that you do
Come on and cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you
I cried a river over you
I cried a river…over you…

Paula, Paula, Paula.  Quit whining or I’ll call you a ‘Whaaaaaaaaambulance’

I warned you.  You’re a Whaaaaaaambulance.

Unbelievable.  Does she think that putting a bogus mea culpa on Youtube is going to change the show  producer’s mind about canning her (pardon the pun)?

Paula darlin’ listen to me.   When you shoot your mouth off and say all kinds of idiotic, career killing things because you don’t know how to control your piehole (pun intended) – stuff happens.  Instead of compounding the fracture, why don’t you just say, “Hey, I’ve got a mouth on me and I say crazy stuff and that’s who I am – deal with it!”  You’d have scored some anti-PC points at least.

Go away gracefully, GF.  Put your WT brother in rehab and go get y’all self some comfort food.  Take your shoes off, set a spell – no, put ’em back on!  Granny, go fetch Paula some of your ‘Kentucky Lemonade’ – she looks like she could use a little ‘shine’ right now.