The New Order Democrat Manifesto

Posted on February 20, 2015

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I’ve just been informed by a trusted source, that a closed door meeting was held yesterday at an undisclosed location just outside the Nation’s Capital among notable Democrats and Progressives. Apparently, according to this report, the agenda had to do with developing a standard code of conduct for Americans that they feel will reduce the polarity in America and improve social cohesion. A common thread among attendees, I am told, is that they don’t think Obama is managing the pace of change with enough urgency and intensity and that they need to step in and lead the country forward.

Said to be in attendance were Hillary Clinton, Eric Holder, George Soros, Nancy Pelosi, Al Sharpton, Harry Reid, Keith Olbermann, Jeanene Garofalo, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, Mayor Bloomberg, Phil Donahue (no, not really – I just threw that name in to see if you were paying attention), Al Gore, Barbra Streisand, Al Franken, Senator Charles Schumer, Henry Waxman, Al Sharpton, Sheila Jackson- Lee, Maxine Waters, Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Markos Moulitsas, David Brock, Jessie Jackson, Ed Schultz, Lawrence O’Donnell, Rachel Maddow, Stepanie Miller and many more, but I’m nauseated at this point and cannot finish the attendee list. Some were laughingly referring to the Manifesto as the ‘Twelve Commandments’, but among the more sober minded participants, this was frowned upon.

This intense conference was divided up into study groups and subsequently they arrived at a draft resolution called the ‘Prohibition Manifesto’. Once the Manifesto is released, there will be an expectation that Americans will voluntarily comply for the overall good and welfare of society. Certain recommendations were made with regard to sanctions to be instituted should observation of these edicts not be implemented and complied with.

First, here are the main articles under the Manifesto:

       1. Referring to the ‘undocumented’ as Illegal Aliens is expressly forbidden.

2. You will not publicly or privately disagree with any of Barack Obama’s policy objectives or that of the Democrat Party, for to do so will expose you as a racist. This includes Global Warming, Amnesty, Spending, Taxes and Sustainable Energy.

3. The following words and phrases are to be purged from your vocabulary – ‘shoot’, ‘fire’ (if you absolutely need to dismiss an employee, try to use the phrase ’emancipate’ or ‘I downsized him’), ‘discharge’, ‘bullet points’, ‘targets’, ‘ammo’, ‘going ballistic’, ‘hotter than a $2 pistol’, ‘shot in the dark’, ‘lock and load’, ‘barrage’, ‘cross-fire’, ‘taking aim’, ‘pulling the trigger’, ‘pump full of lead’, ‘hollow-points’, ‘dum-dums’, ‘shooting the bull or shooting the sh!t’, ‘Russian Roulette’, ‘sniping’, ‘eating lead’, ‘Glock finger’ and various other related terms the entirety of which will be updated in an expanded annotation.

4. No longer acceptable will be the dissemination or patronization of Talk Radio, Fox News and internet columns by the likes of:
Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Michael Savage, John Stossel, Pat Buchanan, Ron Paul, George Will, Mark Levin, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, Alex Jones, Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, Richard Cameron (Blasted Fools) and others with similar inclinations of the Right Wing, Tea Party persuasion.

5. Websites and publications such as, but not limited to the Drudge Report, NewsMax, Red State, Human Events, InfoWars, WorldNetDaily, Front Page, the American Spectator and Breitbart News will be strongly discouraged if not prohibited outright. Such opinions, vitriol, inflamed rhetoric, hate speech and incendiary diatribes are now deemed to be outside the acceptable boundaries of free speech and are known to lead to outbreaks of anti-social behavior. We have no evidence to prove it but we don’t need any. We believe it and therefore it is.

5. All students will have their views on any academic topic validated by the teacher or professor. Non affirmed alternate perspectives on Math, Science, History and other elements of the curriculum can lead to damaged psyches and hence precipitate unexpected violence.

6. Respect and full acceptance of Lesbians, Gays, Bi-Sexuals, and Transgender (did we leave anything out?), plus other categories soon to be added, would be helpful and appreciated (and soon required as well).

7. Guns and firearms will henceforth be limited only to the security entourage of Democrat politicians, Hollywood celebrities and criminals, er – the ‘statutorially challenged’. This measure alone, will have an enormous positive impact towards making society safer. Knives, Improvised Explosive Devices (IED’s), Crossbows, Machetes, Swords, Poisoned Blow darts, Ricin and the like will remain acceptable since every intelligent person knows that you cannot kill anyone with any of them.

8. French Fries and other foods prepared with Trans Fatty Acids and other lardy cooking oils. This came to our attention late in the session, as we had just learned that two men in Philadelphia became embroiled in a deadly confrontation over the topic of French Fries. Measures to curtail the activity of and prevalence of McDonald’s restaurants will be initiated. Sugary snacks are also under review. We do recall the tragic murder of San Francisco Supervisor Harvey Milk in which his assailant, Dan White asserted that he was not culpable on account of the Twinkie. Large (over 12 oz.) sodas are verboten, but not calorie laden Starbucks beverages. To some this might appear to be illogical, but we know what’s best for you and you are on a need to know basis.

9. Denying of Global Warming is strongly discouraged. Efforts made to reduce this Man – made menace will have a huge impact on reducing tensions as the heat of the planet will not cause people to be so irritable and combative with one another. It was recently noticed that due to Iran withholding exports of gasoline to Afghanistan, that Afghan residents are reverting to alternative transportation modes such as Camels, Donkeys, Bicycles, Oxen led carts, and Perambulation (that’s walking to you, Mr. Joe Six Pack). We find this development quite an attractive one. A similar embargo on Gasoline for all except those who really need it – such as ourselves, would have great advantages in the reduction of carbon output.

10. The Debt Ceiling must be raised. We cannot endorse the cutback of important entitlement programs such as benefits for Undocumented Citizens, Teacher’s and Government Cubicle Worker’s pensions. Budget cutting is extremely disrespectful and exhibits poor civic values for our youth.

11. National Borders must be eliminated and outdated notions of citizenship must be abolished. We’re not exactly certain why this is, but we just have an instinctive feeling that walls, fences and barriers to free movement of immigrants is a violation of our ‘social fabric’ and an affront to ‘social justice’.

12. Public expression of faith in Jesus Christ and other various manifestations of that belief will be subject to scorn and strong disapproval, coupled with legal sanctions. Christianity and correspondingly the religion of the Jew does not lend itself to social cohesion. Additionally it is a factor in antagonizing many who feel that such archaic and mundane practices are offensive. Shariah law and the tenets of Islam are welcome because we perceive them to be antagonistic to the further existence of Christianity and Judyism.

13. Directly related to the above directive (Directive 12) is the requirement that individuals and public officials not criticize or denigrate Islam or Muslims or Muhammad or Allah. This is for two reasons; destabilization of the existing racist, nativist, nationalistic culture and because if we are careful enough to cater to and accede to all the demands of Islamists, there is a reasonable chance they will not seek to harm us and we can CoExist. It is advised not to eat meat that is Haram, consume alcohol, wear revealing attire or display the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition in their presence.

Finally, we wish to note that this Manifesto is a work in progress that came in to being as a consequence of a serious crisis – and as Rahm Emanuel has wisely and sagely said, “A crisis is a terrible thing to waste”. Therefore this document is subject to further expansion and addition as events and conditions dictate – or as we think of more things that are an affront to our sensibilities like the American Flag , the Golden Arches, Nascar, Crocs, Country music, Red Wines, American cars, Pick up Trucks, et al.

So, this is the document that will shortly be released for general consumption and review, but I felt that I owed it to my loyal readers to get a sneak peek at the the new rules and well, if you’re so inclined – to get a jump on the societal evolution soon to take place. Can you doubt that any of the above Manifesto is incorrect or debatable? After all, these folks are smarter than we are and they know best what’s best for us – right?

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Posted in: Sans Culottes